Can we have a good time?

Dorothy and I went out the other day.  It was the first time we actually went to “something” other than go out to dinner with a few friends.  And it was nice.  We had a good time, all things considered.

We were invited to a wine auction luncheon for the Rockland Center for the Arts by one of my closest friend’s mother, someone who I have been calling mom for over forty years.  It took us a couple of weeks of introspective thought to accept Molly’s invitation, but she was very happy we did.  We had to really think about it.  Was it too soon?  Would be feel guilty going out and having a good time?  There would be no one there other than Molly, my friend and his fiancé, and another couple who she invited, who knew us and who could come over and say they were sorry.  We would have our own car so if we needed to we could leave at any time.  We know the restaurant and the owner, so we felt like it would be a safe place for us.  It actually is one of Andrew’s favorite eateries – X2O in Yonkers.  When we told Molly we would go, she was very happy, and we felt a certain sense of relief, as well as others feeling we really can not explain.

Does this mean we are “better”? Are we finally “over it”?  Absolutely not.  Not on your life.  This means that we realize that we still have to live and continue on with our lives, which we always knew, but could not accept.  This means that we can get out of the house and be with others, that we could have a nice time with others, and yet still think and talk about Andrew.   Which we did at lunch.  We told stories about him, we remembered him, and we know we all love and miss him so very much.  We talked about when we grew up, we talked about our dads, we talked about their upcoming wedding.  We talked a lot.  What was important is that we were able to go out, be with friends, enjoy ourselves, and still grieve for our son.   And be with others who understood this.  This is a big step.  We are forever grateful for the invitation, Molly,

Will we be over it soon, or ever?  No.  We will never be over it, we can’t be.  But we can live our lives, our new lives, to some degree.  We are always one question, or one story, or seeing one person, away from being in tears.  As I have said before, we are different people now, we are not the same people we were five months ago.  There are people who want us to be who we were, they want the old Perry and Dorothy and Nicole back.  That won’t happen.  But our friends and relatives are ready to accept who we are now.  And that is so much appreciated.  If you’re waiting for us to be our old selves, or waiting for us to be over our loss and our grief, we are sorry to say that that will never be.  Actually we are not sorry.  We want to, and need to, be new people.  People who remember our son, who can talk about him and be accepted as we are now.  It might be a hard concept for some people to accept, but we ask that you do.

We are still not ready to go out to a party.  We are still not ready to laugh and be part of a large gathering, but we are getting there.  Bear with us.

By the way, we did bid on and win a very special bottle of wine at the auction.  Now we cherish this bottle and await the perfect time to open it and share it with friends.

 

6 thoughts on “Can we have a good time?

  1. Janie

    xxxxx I’m glad you two went out and had a good time with people who love you and care about you. Friends love and accept you. I enjoy reading your shares, Perry.

    Reply
  2. kara gumnic

    I think as you’re branching out everything will feel new at first and that’s ok. The important thing is you are branching out and learning how to live your new lives, as difficult as it is, but I’m glad you have great friends to spend that time with.

    Reply
  3. Dana Lee

    I continue to be amazed at how brave and strong you and Dorothy have been for the past 5 months. It’s important to take your time in grieving and take little steps in getting used to your new reality. I don’t think anybody expects you and Dorothy to go back to being the persons you were as if nothing happened, and if anybody does expect that, then they are not your friends. I and our other wine friends will continue to extend invitations to you and Dorothy, knowing that you may not always feel up to it, and that is okay, and we will understand. Just know that we love you and think of you in our thoughts and prayers.

    Reply
  4. Mandy Gersten

    Perry,
    I am glad you were able to get out and be with trusted friends. Those of us who love you, know you will never “get over” losing Andrew. It is a part of who you are now. And that’s as it should be.
    But, Dana’s right. We will continue to invite you, as always. And we will give you space when you need it, and we will understand that you are not up to “partying” and may not always accept. It’s important that you know that you have many friends who value you and want to spend time with you as you are now.
    Your strength and compassion are inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
    XOX
    Mandy

    Reply
  5. lynn

    Perry,
    I cannot express how your sharing your feelings and how you are getting through this awful life event with us. I know this is not an event that one gets through and am glad that is what you are telling others because people don’t really understand that.
    Your family was and will always be very special to all those you come to know.
    Lynn

    Reply

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